Stuck in the past? Your brain on nostalgia

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the old one.

You can’t move forward if you are stuck in the past. It sounds obvious, right? But the truth is, many of us don’t even realize when we’re living in the rearview mirror. We get so caught up in how things used to be — the people, places, memories— that we unintentionally block our own growth and limit what could be.

Past moments can be important and meaningful. We may hold on to memories, people, milestones, or even the “old version” of ourselves. But here’s the catch: the brain isn’t always the most reliable story teller. Over time, we may tend to over-romanticize certain people or situations, clinging to selective pieces of a story that wasn’t entirely perfect to begin with.

This isn’t just emotional — it’s neurological.

When we repeatedly revisit the past, our brain strengthens the neural pathways associated with those memories. It’s a process called neuroplasticity, and while it’s helpful for learning, it can backfire when we’re reinforcing a time that no longer exists. The more we think about those people or experiences, the more emotionally significant they become — sometimes even more than they were in reality. This can activate areas of the brain associated with rumination and lower dopamine activity, making it harder to feel joy, motivation, or satisfaction in the present.

That’s why I often remind clients: having a vision for the future is essential. We have to lay out some roadmap of where we want to be or how we want to feel in order to experience growth. We will have many options in which way to go moving forward and the path may change along the way. It’s  not about knowing every detail, but about giving the brain something to reach toward. Without direction, the mind will default to what it already knows — and that’s usually the past.

So how do we start shifting forward?

It begins with presence. Grounding yourself in the now — paying attention to the joy, the people, the places in your current life. Showing and recognizing gratitude for what is helps disrupt the loop of nostalgic overthinking. From there, it’s helpful to challenge the idealized version of the past. Ask yourself: What am I leaving out? Was it really as perfect as I’m remembering? Balanced reflection opens us up for truth and healing.

Next, begin creating a vision for what you want to experience moving forward. This could be as simple as naming how you want to feel or outlining goals. And remember, small actions matter. A new hobby, a changed routine, gratitude for the present, or even reaching out to someone new signals to your brain that the future holds possibility — and that builds new neural pathways of hope.

We don’t want to be so locked into the past that we miss the enjoyment of the present or the excitement of what the future may hold. There are new memories to be made, new people to meet, and new versions of ourselves still waiting to be born. The past shaped you but it doesn’t have to define you.

What kind of story do you want to tell next?

Make it a good one.